Sing for the teachers who told you that you couldn't sing.. [entries|friends|calendar] Josie [ website | livejournal ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[29 Mar 2007|10:58pm] I feel as though it's time to end this journal...I'm in a whole new place emotionally right now, and I need another fresh start. If you still wanna know what's up with me, visit my MySpace blog... Goodbye all you crazy memories. 2 comments|post comment

[16 Feb 2007|11:06pm] Geeze...I just randomly popped in Britney Spears' first cd...and I still love it...haha. I don't think it's so much of the music as it is the memories, but still. What happened to that girl?! I used to be able to look up to her and now she's exactly what I never want to be. Get your crap together, chica. 3 comments|post comment

[13 Feb 2007|04:17pm] [ mood | sad ] Wow..You remember before I made a post about how my cousin was spreading rumours about me to my family...? Well, I just got news that she died..I know I had beef with her, but she's my cousin and I loved her regardless...I guess she got in a car accident. RIP Linnea.. 1 comment|post comment

[11 Feb 2007|09:16pm] This weekend I wanted to just get away from everything...Instead everything followed me and multiplied by 2 million. But I guess I what I needed out of it. I brokedown three times. I have cried in a while, I've been trying to be brave...and not seem so vulnerable, and it built up and all came out at once. All I have to say is that I am so thankful for my friends. I don't know what I would do without them in my life...Whenever I fall they're there to pick me up, and it's nice having that. And when I forget they remind me. They've mastered a plan to get me to graduate. Today I was curled up in a ball crying for like 2 hours...Before I would have gotten mad at God and blamed him for everything...But now that I've changed, I just asked him for help (more like begged) and he helped me. That is so amazing to me.. It's crazy to me how now I can come out of something like this with a smile on my face and be thankful for everything. I need to remember that stuff to remind me that I'm stronger than I believe. post comment

[11 Feb 2007|04:21pm] Everytime I think I hit rock bottom and think things can't get worse, they always do. I don't know anymore if I can believe myself. I don't know if it's my disease making me think that people are mad at me, or something..or if they really are. And right now I'm just so confused and I'm scared. I don't understand how something can affect me this much, but hardly affect someone else. I have a migrane because I can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do. I want to get better. post comment

[09 Feb 2007|10:48am] I was so shocked last night when I heard that Anna Nicole Smith had died. I wasn't nessecarly (gosh I need to learn how to spell that word) a fan of hers or anything, but it's just so weird. I've been reading comments that people have made about it, and I am so shocked that anyone could be so selfish and disrespectful about someone who just lost their life. I agree that it's sad that tons of people die everyday, but whenever someone famous dies a big deal gets made about it...but what do you expect? It's not their fault. I read people calling her a bimbo, and that it was good that she died because her daughter can have a better life now. Are you kidding me? No, she wasn' t the best mom, but she loved her kids and that's all that matters. That's what her daughter is going to miss out on.  I just can't stand the fact that people are so disrespectful, it makes me want to scream. To Anna, if you're looking down from heaven (not that you would be looking down on me, some random person)...I hope that you are in a better place, and that you finally have peace. You and your familiy are in my thoughts and prayers. Rest in peace. post comment

[06 Feb 2007|11:42pm] I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't get over this disorder, and it only seems to get more difficult everyday. I can't sleep at night anymore because I'm too busy worrying about EVERYTHING. It's really starting hit me that, hey, I actually might not graduate. I might fail because of something that I can't control. I don't know what I'll do if I don't make it. I'm just sick of being scared, and worried, and stressed out. I want to be able to walk out of my house without feeling scared...Even my room! I'm sick of people not understanding, and calling me lazy. Yeah, I don't like to clean or run or play sports, and I like to sleep...but the real me is not lazy...I just don't know where that person is anymore. I feel like, I was doomed from the day I was born. I was born into a family with a history of skitzophrenia, depression, anxiety, failing at school, and just about everything wrong that you can imagine. I wanted to be different, but it's like, something is taking over me, and I can't make my own decisions.  I can't even take a deep breath and relax. I can't think rationally. I can't do anything. ...I just wish it would go away. 2 comments|post comment

[26 Jan 2007|10:49am] [ mood | crazy ] I keep having dreams about work, where I get Georgette really mad at me! I think it's my anxiety expressing it's self in my dreams...not that it needs to, it expresses itself very well in my waking life :) But last night I had a dream that I had to work, and I didn't know this, but my friends were going on the senior trip that day...so I hurried up and went to Jilberts and was like "Georgette, is there ANY way I can get tomorrow off", and she was like "NO!"..and got mad. So I was like ok...So I rode with my friends to somewhere, can't remember where, then I came back home, and I was gonna drive all the way to Seattle or something by myself. WHAT?! We aren't even going to Seattle. 3 comments|post comment

[24 Nov 2006|09:54pm] I'm really not feeling well today. I even quit shopping early...My throat is killing me and I feel anxious...My mom said she felt like this too and she puked...eekk. and I've been sleeping since 3 or 4 this afternoon. I'm probably not gonna sleep tonight. But, I had the dream I've been waiting for...I know it's weird to wait for a dream. But I'm so happy...and really hope it's right. 2 comments|post comment

[09 Nov 2006|09:19pm] When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'." I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven." When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak And need His strength to carry on. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed And need God to clean my mess. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible But, God believes I am worth it. When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name. When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow! post comment

[05 Nov 2006|06:37pm] [ mood | sad ] I guess I should have listened to my doctors. I just don't want to have to take a pill to be happy..but I guess I do have to. I just feel like crap, and I'm exhausted...emotionally...everything is just cloudy. 3 comments|post comment

[30 Oct 2006|11:21pm] Right now I'm just really confused..... My dog Pebbles can't get on my bed anymore...she tried to yesterday but she couldn't do it...It's killing me to watch her die...I don't know what I'll do without her...She's been there for me since I was like, 6 years old, and at times she was the only friend I had...I'm just scared. 1 comment|post comment

[19 Oct 2006|10:07am] So that whole knock on wood thing doesn't work... after posting that, my life did a complete turn overnight I'm incredibly stressed and i just feel like staying home and crying. post comment

knock on wood [18 Oct 2006|11:17pm] [ mood | weird ] So life has been going ok..besides, you know, some things. My iPod has been broke for a while, so I brought it in, and they sent it away and I guess it couldn't be fixed so I get a brand new one.....woohoo.. Uhmm...I've been a lot more organized and clean lately. my room is spotless..and it has been for like..a month! what?! I must be sick. I'm still working at Jilberts..mostly Saturdays except this week.. I've been worrying about stuff a lot at night..but I just have to learn that everything is gonna work out and not to stress about it.   So yeaaah. that's about it, that's my life at the moment.   P.S. Feng Shui is cool post comment

[29 Sep 2006|06:37pm] So, today is a sad day in the life of me. I'm done at Jilberts, hopefully only until next summer I love working there. I got to keep my hat, though. :) post comment

[29 Sep 2006|12:05pm] Don't get me wrong. My psychologist is great, and without her I probably would have killed myself a long time ago...But, she keeps trying to get me to be put back on medication..and I don't want to be. And she keeps trying to get me to say why I don't want to, or what I don't like about it. I just don't want to! post comment

[21 Sep 2006|11:19pm] i know i'm not a perfect kid. but it's so hard when my dad goes psycho. Hey Dad look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according To plan? Do you think I’m wasting My time doing things I Wanna do? But it hurts when you Disapprove all along And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I’m never gonna be good Enough for you I can’t pretend that I’m alright And you can’t change me ‘Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect Now it’s just too late And we can’t go back I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect I try not to think About the pain I feel inside Did you know you used to be My hero? All the days You spent with me Now seem so far away And it feels like you don’t Care anymore And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I’m never gonna be good Enough for you I can’t stand another fight And nothing’ alright ‘Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect Now it’s just too late And we can’t go back I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect Nothing’s gonna change The things that you said Nothing’s gonna make this Right again Please don’t turn your back I can’t believe it’s hard Just to talk to you But you don’t understand ‘Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect Now it’s just too late And we can’t go back I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect ‘Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect Now it’s just too late And we can’t go back I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect post comment

[10 Sep 2006|11:10pm] Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss And it's so hard to say goodbye When it comes to this, oooh Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't do To have just one more chance To look into your eyes And see you looking back post comment

[04 Sep 2006|10:06pm] [ mood | sad ] I just want this year to go ok. and I'm scared because everything is already starting to go wrong.. God, I need your help more than I've ever needed it before. 2 comments|post comment

[04 Sep 2006|12:25am] I'm excited for school..and I'm nervous. I think it feels different. Like, I'm excited to learn again and not so worried about the social part. I really hope that doesn't change. P.S..You gave me hope..that someday someone might love me. Thanks. post comment

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